My Prayer
God, I am surrounded by those who question your existence.
I know that You are there, I know because I have met You.
I have argued with You - and I have lost.
I have repeatedly thought that conforming to Your way would hurt me and failed to trust you.
You have consistently and patiently shown me that I was wrong.
God, I know that You are there because you have shown Yourself to be right and have astounded me with Your truth even when I didn’t like it or want it to be true.
You have changed my mind. You have led me to do that which I would never have done otherwise.
Knowing You has reshaped me. You have humbled me, more gently and effectively than I could have imagined. You have taught me that humility brings peace- a concept that, without You, makes no sense.
You have shown me who I am; allowed me to embrace the parts of my personality that I thought I had to fix. At the same time, You remind me daily through your Word and/or Spirit how I need to change, and why.
Then, You point me in the right direction.
Somehow, I am more myself, more secure, more comfortable in my own skin than I have ever been.
And, at the same time, I am more aware of how sinful and flawed I am.
I know that You are trustworthy because I have stepped out in faith so that You could show me.
Each step I take teaches me more about You as well as myself. Each time You meet me and make up the difference necessary for me to complete my step. It is in these times that my faith grows the most.
After 25 years, I realize that I've only begun to grasp who You are.
But that is more than enough for me, in my flawed and imperfect nature, to know this:
I will never, ever, ever find anybody who loves me, cares for me, understands me, and directs me better than You will. I trust You, God.
Your ongoing patience and love comfort me, God, especially in my weakness and failures.
What saddens me the most is that this experiential part of my faith in You is impossible to explain to anyone who has not met You.
There is no proof, there are no words that could make them understand what so many of us know to be the truth.
Please God, please show Yourself to them, please open their eyes.