Forgiving

There is one scripture that I read regularly, because I need to.  

Jesus' words below are some of His most sobering...

"Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?”  Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.  “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants.  When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents.  And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made.  So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’  And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt.   But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’  So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’  He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt.  When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place.  Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me.  And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt.  So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”

-Matthew 18:21-35

[A close second is the one about having to give an account about every careless word spoken.  I already know how I will be spending the first 30 or 40 years of eternity.  And that’s if I never say another word from this point forward.]

Bitterness is incredibly powerful and destructive.  Mentally, emotionally, physically, and, most importantly spiritually (which really encompasses the rest).  I think women tend to be more susceptible, but we all have some difficulty letting go of certain things.  I am convinced that holding on to hurt, anger towards people, and keeping a record of wrongs, all have pride at their root.  It comes down to an over-emphasis on ourselves and how we have been mistreated.  Or, perhaps the offense hit a nerve of insecurity within me.  Still pride.  It is just in a different wrapper.

When I am spending time focusing on these things, I am forgetting something very important.  I have ‘lost connection with the head’.  Who do I think I am anyway?  I have ‘forgotten that I have been cleansed from my past sin’.  Who have I hurt, mistreated, been insensitive towards, sinned against?  Plenty of people, but mostly and ultimately God.  If I don’t make a serious effort to remember this, my pride can run a muck. It can happen in a very short period.  

 

It is easy to spiral downward in our thinking when we spend time reviewing the bad that has been done to us or recounting the story to others.  And, each time we tell our story, we feed our bitterness.  This can even magnify the original offense in our minds.  In reality, we have no idea what it is like to walk in the perpetrator’s shoes.  What pain were they feeling?  Was it really their intention to hurt you?  What could have been going on in their life? 

It is healthy to let go.

 

I hear you asking, “what about repeat offenders?”.  What about the people who aren’t sorry, never apologize, would do the same thing again at their earliest opportunity?  What about these jerks?  If that wasn’t you asking, then it was me.  I have asked this question for years, with full knowledge of the answer.

 

"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”  Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."

-Matt 18:21-22

 

OK.  This concerns me.  It sounds irrational or mistranslated.  When I first read this passage, I seriously struggled with it.  I was willing to put my judgement aside and move forward by choosing to put this idea into the ‘I don’t get it so I will deal with it later’ category (more on this in “When I First Cracked Open the Bible”).   

Don’t panic. 

 

I think I have come to figure out how this works in my life.  And I can see very clearly that forgiving others benefits me as much as, if not more than, the person that receives my forgiveness.  Your walk with God is your own.  Feeling perpetually guilty because you haven’t completely forgiven and forgotten about something that was/is incredibly painful (and may be ongoing) is a waste.

 

Being completely unwilling to forgive on the other hand, is lethal.   Pray for help with forgiveness.  Tell God how you feel, in detail.  Repeat.  Pray for that person. Repeat.  Never stop working to forgive.  Pray and fast, show God that you want it.  I believe that the key is our heart.  Are you willing to forgive?  If not, you are in sin.  Start with the prayer to be willing to forgive.  God always meets me where I am and He can change anything.

 

Also, I think that I misunderstood forgiveness for years.  I imagined going back to someone who has hurt me repeatedly with a blank slate and proceeding with the relationship as if nothing has happened between us.  That is how God forgives us in Christ, right?  I see it differently now.  I don’t think God wants me to go brain dead and I do think that expects me to be wise.  Every situation is unique and I think these things need to be managed with much humility, advice, and prayer.  And then, more prayer.

 

I find complex issues more manageable by simplifying them with a list of the things that I know. 

My current understanding of the application of forgiveness in my life:

  • I can’t hate people.
  • I must be willing to forgive.
  • I must continually work to forgive.
  • I need to try to communicate my hurt and be reconciled to people if possible.
  • I need to re-read the scriptures about forgiveness regularly.
  • I need help from others.
  • I can’t want revenge or for harm to come to the perpetrator.
  • I am not Jesus.
  • God will help and He knows my heart.
  • There are some cases where I need to walk away from people, even terminate the relationship. But I absolutely cannot grow bitter toward them.
  • I must keep a close watch on my heart and motives!

This list is considerable shorter than that which would have resulted had I attempted to enumerate that things that I didn’t know.

 

"For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

Matt 6:14-15

There you have it.  God speed.